Forty and Searching
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Forty and Searching

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Chapter 20
20
Chapter 20 of 39

Chapter 20

Christian had so much great sex with his business partner Hassan and his girls. The girl named Layla fell in love with him. Christian tried to think about it, but he knew he could never leave Sofia, or Sofia would never allow another woman as the side chick. Layla was upset a little bit but didn't show that much. Then she proposed to have last sex, as it was her last night in Dubai. Christian accepted, and then he brutally banged her, and Layla was asking for it.

Christian stood barefoot on the cold marble, the chill seeping up through his arches, grounding him in the present. The Dubai skyline blazed beyond the floor-to-ceiling windows, a million lights stabbing the dark like stars brought down to earth. He'd been standing here for ten minutes, maybe longer, his hands at his sides, not reaching for anything. The air conditioner hummed a low, steady note that blended with the distant drone of the city, and the sheets behind him smelled of expensive cologne—his own, layered over the faint trace of perfume from the night before.

He didn't turn when he heard the elevator chime down the hall. That would be too eager. Too much like a man who needed this. And he didn't need it. He'd accepted it, that was all. Layla had proposed one last night, her voice steady, her dark eyes holding his without a flicker of desperation, and he'd said yes because it was the truth—this was her last night in Dubai, and there was something clean about the transaction. A beginning and an end, both known, both agreed. No lies, no promises, no pretense that this was anything other than what it was.

But the truth underneath was less clean. He knew it, felt it sitting in his chest like a stone. He could not leave Sofia. That was settled, absolute, the first real thing he'd felt in years. And yet here he was, waiting for another woman to walk through his door, knowing that when she did, he would take her to bed and fuck her until they were both raw. Not because he needed the sex—though he did, Christ, he did—but because he had already said yes, and he was not a man who took his word back.

His phone buzzed on the nightstand. He didn't look at it. Probably Sofia, and he couldn't answer her now, not with the weight of this night pressing down on him. He would call her tomorrow, from the airport, when the distance between Dubai and Miami was already a done thing. He would tell her he missed her, and it would be true, and he would not mention the Lebanese dancer who had looked at him like he was something worth keeping.

The memory of the party surfaced unbidden: the ninety-eighth floor, the gold fabric of Layla's dress catching the light as she moved, Hassan's booming laugh, the four of them tangled together in the private chamber. Layla had been quiet afterward, her fingers tracing patterns on his chest, her lips brushing his shoulder. She hadn't said much, but he'd felt the weight of her attention, the way her body turned toward his even when she was lying still. He knew that look. He'd seen it on women before, and it always made him want to run.

But he hadn't run. He'd stayed, and when she'd asked for one last night, he'd said yes. Not because he felt sorry for her—Layla wasn't the kind of woman who needed pity—but because there was something in her request that felt honest. She wasn't pretending this was anything more than it was. She wanted him, and she was leaving, and she wanted one more memory before the door closed. He could give her that. He could give her a night she'd remember, even if he would spend the rest of his life trying not to think about it.

He shifted his weight, the marble cold under his heels. The room was too quiet. He could hear his own breathing, the rustle of his shirt as he moved, the distant thrum of the city below. The bed was made, the sheets smooth, the pillows plumped. He'd showered and changed into loose linen pants and a white button-down, left open, the fabric cool against his skin. He'd poured himself a glass of water and set it on the nightstand, untouched. He didn't want anything to dull the edge of this moment.

He thought about Sofia, about the way she'd looked at him that morning in her studio apartment, her dark hair tangled, her mouth swollen from his kisses. She'd said she was angry, and she was right to be. He'd promised her the truth, and then he'd flown to Dubai and fallen into Hassan's party and Layla's arms. The irony wasn't lost on him. He was a forty-year-old man who had spent his whole life running from commitment, and now that he'd found someone he didn't want to run from, he was still finding ways to sabotage it.

But this was different. This was a goodbye, not a betrayal. Layla was leaving. She knew about Sofia—he'd told her, briefly, between breaths during the foursome—and she hadn't asked him to choose. She'd simply asked for one more night. And he couldn't say no to that. Not when she'd looked at him with those dark, steady eyes, not when she'd said, "I know you love her. I'm not asking for forever. I'm asking for tonight."

He heard footsteps in the hallway, soft against the carpet. His pulse ticked up, a quiet acceleration he couldn't stop. He didn't turn. He kept his eyes on the skyline, watching the lights blur as he let himself sink into the moment. The air in the room was still, charged with anticipation, the scent of his cologne mixing with the faint mineral tang of the air conditioner.

The footsteps stopped. A pause. Then a knock—soft, deliberate, three quick raps that cut through the silence like a blade.

Christian let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. He turned, his bare feet silent on the marble, and crossed the room. The door was solid, a slab of dark wood with a brass handle. He reached for it, his fingers brushing the cool metal, and paused. One beat. Two. He could feel her on the other side, her breath, her anticipation, the same charge that hummed through his own body.

He opened the door.

Layla stood in the hallway, her gold dress from the night before replaced by a simple black sheath that fell to her knees. Her hair was down, dark waves brushing her shoulders, and her face was bare of makeup except for a touch of gloss on her lips. She looked younger like this, softer, the sharp edges of the dancer smoothed away. Her eyes met his, and she smiled—a small, quiet thing, not quite sad, not quite sure.

"You're still here," she said. Her voice was low, with the faint trace of an accent he couldn't place, Lebanese and French and something else.

"I said I would be." He stepped back, holding the door open. "Come in."

She moved past him, her shoulder brushing his chest, the scent of her perfume—jasmine and something darker—filling the space between them. She walked to the center of the room and stopped, her bare feet finding the marble, her eyes scanning the skyline. She stood there, arms at her sides, her back to him, and he watched her take it in. The lights. The city. The silence.

He closed the door. The latch clicked, soft and final, sealing them inside. The room fell quiet except for the hum of the AC and the distant drone of the city, and Christian stood with his hand still on the handle, watching her, waiting.

She turned. Her eyes found his, and in them he saw everything she hadn't said the night before—the hope, the hurt, the resignation. She didn't speak. She didn't need to. The air between them was thick with the weight of what was about to happen, the last night, the final memory, the door that would close and stay closed.

Christian let his hand fall from the handle. He took a step toward her, then another, the marble cool under his feet, the distance between them shrinking with each step. He stopped when he was close enough to feel the heat of her body, to see the faint pulse beating at her throat. He didn't reach for her. Not yet.

"Layla." Her name on his lips, quiet, deliberate. "Last night."

She nodded, her jaw tight. "Last night."

And then she stepped into him, her hands rising to his chest, her forehead pressing against his shoulder, and he felt the tremor that ran through her—barely there, quickly controlled. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, and for a long moment they stood there, neither moving, the city blazing beyond the glass as the AC hummed its steady note and the seconds stretched into something neither of them was ready to end.

Her body fit against his like she'd been made for this—her curves soft against his chest, her breath warm through the thin cotton of his shirt. He could feel the rapid beat of her heart, or maybe it was his own, the rhythm blurring until he couldn't tell where she ended and he began. His hand found the back of her head, his fingers threading through her dark hair, and he pressed his lips to her temple—not a kiss, not quite, just a resting of his mouth against her skin, a quiet acknowledgment that she was here, that he was here, that this was happening.

She pulled back first, just enough to look at him. Her eyes were dark, luminous, catching the city lights that streamed through the windows. Her lips parted, and for a moment he thought she might speak, might say something that would break the spell, but she didn't. Instead, she reached up and touched his face, her fingers tracing the line of his jaw, the scar through his eyebrow, the curve of his mouth. She was memorizing him, he realized. Committing him to memory like a photograph she would take out and look at when this was a continent away.

He let her. He stood still under her touch, his hands resting on her hips, his thumbs tracing small circles through the fabric of her dress. The AC hummed. The city droned. The air between them grew thick and heavy, charged with everything they weren't saying. He could feel the pull of the bed behind him, the weight of what was coming, but he didn't move toward it. Not yet. There was time. There was always time, even when there wasn't.

"Tell me something," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "Something true."

He considered the request. A hundred answers rose and fell—that he was afraid of how much he felt for Sofia, that he was tired of running, that he didn't know how to be the man Layla seemed to think he was. But those were his truths, not hers. She'd asked for something between them, something real, and he owed her that much.

"I didn't expect you," he said. "Last night, when Hassan introduced us, I thought you'd be like the others. Beautiful, yes. But forgettable. You weren't."

Her hand stilled on his cheek. Her eyes searched his, looking for the lie, and when she didn't find one, she smiled—a real smile, small and fragile, the kind that could break if you looked at it too long. "Neither did I," she said. "Expect you, I mean. I thought I knew what I was walking into. Another rich man, another night, another goodbye. But you—" She shook her head, her thumb brushing his lower lip. "You're different. I don't know if that's good or bad yet."

"Neither do I," he said, and meant it.

She laughed, a quiet sound that barely stirred the air between them. "At least you're honest."

"I'm trying to be."

The words hung between them, heavier than he'd intended. She looked at him for a long moment, her expression unreadable, then took his hand and stepped back, pulling him toward the bed. He followed, his bare feet silent on the marble, his eyes fixed on the curve of her spine where the black dress clung to her body. She stopped at the edge of the bed and turned to face him, her hand still in his, her chest rising and falling with something that wasn't quite calm.

She reached for the hem of her dress, but he caught her wrist.

"Let me," he said.

Her breath caught. She let her hands fall to her sides, her eyes never leaving his, and stood still as he stepped closer. He took the hem of her dress between his fingers, the fabric cool and smooth, and began to lift it, slow, an inch at a time, watching her face as the black sheath rose over her knees, her thighs, her hips. She wore nothing underneath. Her body was warm brown and golden in the city light, the curves of her waist and breasts catching the glow as he pulled the dress higher. She raised her arms, and he lifted it over her head, letting it fall to the floor in a dark pool at her feet.

She stood before him, naked, unashamed, her eyes holding his with a steadiness that made his chest ache. He let himself look at her—the slope of her shoulders, the swell of her breasts, the dark triangle between her thighs—and felt the weight of the moment settle over him like a second skin.

"Your turn," she said, her voice low, a challenge wrapped in velvet.

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