The Worth of Two Steps
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The Worth of Two Steps

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The Edge of Answering
4
Chapter 4 of 4

The Edge of Answering

The lamp burns lower as Marcus's silence stretches, his knuckles white on the chains. 'If I tell you,' he says, voice hoarse, 'what do you give me in return?' Menes's gold eyes gleam, and one lower hand lifts to rest on Marcus's thigh, a slow, deliberate pressure. 'I will show you what it means to be kept,' Menes says, and his thumb draws a circle on Marcus's skin. Marcus's breath stutters, but he does not pull away—he only waits, the question hanging between them like a blade.

The question hung in the air between them like a physical weight, and Marcus felt it pressing down on his chest, on the hollow place behind his ribs where wanting used to live. The lamp crackled. The shadows leaned.

Menes waited.

That was the worst part—the waiting. Not the chains, not the cold stone against his bare back, not the oil that had dried tacky on his skin. The waiting. Menes could fill a silence like no one Marcus had ever met, could make a quiet stretch out until it felt like a living thing with teeth, and all Marcus could do was lie there and feel it gnaw at him.

His knuckles were white on the chains. He hadn't noticed when they'd gone that way.

The question was still there, waiting for an answer. If you could want something—if the wanting were safe, if it would not be taken from you, if it would not be used against you—what would it be?

It was a trap. It had to be a trap. Every question Menes asked was a trap, a slowly tightening snare disguised as conversation, and Marcus knew it, knew he should keep his mouth shut, knew that the only way to win this game was to refuse to play.

But the silence was worse.

He tested the chains once. A small, futile pull that rattled the steel against the stone and sent a shiver of pain through his wrists. The cuffs didn't give. They never gave. He'd stopped expecting them to, but his body hadn't gotten the message yet, still straining against the bonds like a dog that didn't understand the leash.

Menes watched him struggle. His gold eyes were fixed and unblinking, catching the lamplight in a way that made them look like they were lit from within, and there was something in his gaze that Marcus couldn't name. Not mockery. Not patience, exactly. Something else. Something that made Marcus's skin prickle even where the oil had dried.

"You don't have to answer," Menes said, and his voice was a low rumble that Marcus felt in his sternum. "The question will keep."

The question will keep. As if it were an object, something Menes could set on a shelf and come back to later. As if Marcus's answer didn't matter, didn't hang in the balance of whatever slow, patient game this was.

Marcus swallowed. His throat clicked. "That's not—" He stopped, the words dying in his mouth.

Menes tilted his head. One of his upper hands moved, a slow, deliberate gesture, and the lamplight caught the gold caps on his braids, glinting like a row of small suns. "Not what?"

"That's not how this works." Marcus's voice came out hoarser than he'd expected, scraped raw by the silence. "You don't just—ask a question and leave it sitting there. You're building to something. I'm not stupid."

"I never said you were."

"Then stop pretending this is a conversation." The words were out before Marcus could stop them, sharp and bitter, and he felt the chains bite into his wrists as he yanked against them. "You kidnapped me. You've got me chained to a slab in a dungeon. You're not asking me questions because you care about my feelings. You're—" He stopped, breath coming hard, the rest of the sentence lodged somewhere in his throat.

Menes's gaze didn't waver. "I'm what?"

Marcus shook his head. The motion made the dried oil pull at his skin, and he grimaced.

"Say it." Menes's voice was still soft, still patient, but there was an edge beneath it now, a weight that made the air in the chamber feel heavier. "You've been holding it in since you woke up here. Say it."

"You're breaking me." The words came out flat, almost matter-of-fact, and Marcus hated how small they sounded. "Slowly. Carefully. You're taking me apart piece by piece, and you want me to thank you for it."

The silence that followed was the longest yet.

Menes didn't move. Didn't blink. His four arms hung loose at his sides, and the lamplight carved deep shadows into the planes of his face, making him look like something carved from the mountain itself. When he finally spoke, his voice was so low Marcus almost missed it.

"Is that what you think I'm doing?"

"It's what you're doing."

"And yet." Menes took a step closer. The sound of his boots on the stone was deliberate, unhurried, and Marcus felt the vibration of it through the slab beneath him. "You haven't asked me to stop."

Marcus's breath caught.

He hadn't. He'd thought about it, a hundred times, a thousand times—thought about screaming, about begging, about doing anything to make this stop. But the words had never come. Every time he opened his mouth to tell Menes to go to hell, something else came out instead. Something smaller. Something that sounded almost like please.

Menes took another step. He was close enough now that Marcus could smell him—something ancient and mineral, like rain on hot stone, like the air after a lightning strike. The ozone scent that clung to him was faint but unmistakable, and Marcus found himself breathing it in without meaning to.

"You could have fought me," Menes said. "When I took you from that bar. When I brought you here. You could have fought."

"I did fight."

"You hit me." A ghost of something crossed Menes's face—not quite a smile, but close. "Once. In the shoulder. It was a good hit."

Marcus's jaw tightened. "Didn't do much good."

"No." Menes's lower right hand lifted, and Marcus tensed, his whole body going rigid on the slab. But the hand didn't come for his throat or his face. It came to rest on his thigh, just above his knee, a slow, deliberate pressure that burned through the fabric of his pants like a brand.

Marcus's breath stuttered. His heart was pounding now, a wild, panicked rhythm that he couldn't control, and he could feel the heat of Menes's palm through the thin cotton of his trousers, could feel the weight of it, the size of it—a hand that could crush his skull without trying, resting on his leg like it belonged there.

He didn't pull away.

He should have pulled away. He should have yanked his leg back, should have spat in Menes's face, should have done anything except lie there and let the warlord touch him like he was something precious, something worth handling with care.

But he didn't move.

And Menes's thumb began to draw a slow circle on his skin, just above the knee, a lazy, almost absent gesture that made Marcus's whole body feel like it was on fire.

"You want to know what I'm building toward," Menes said, and his voice was a low rumble that Marcus felt in his bones. "You want to know what this is. What I'm doing to you."

Marcus couldn't speak. His throat had closed up, and all he could do was lie there and watch Menes's gold eyes glitter in the lamplight.

"I'll show you." The thumb drew another circle, slower this time, and Marcus felt the heat of it spreading up his thigh, felt his body responding in ways he didn't want to acknowledge. "If you answer my question."

"That's—" Marcus's voice cracked. He cleared his throat, tried again. "That's not a fair trade."

"No." Menes's gaze was unwavering. "It's not."

The admission caught Marcus off guard. He blinked, the words dying in his throat, and Menes's thumb stilled on his leg.

"I'm not offering you fairness," Menes said. "I'm offering you a choice. You can keep your silence, and I'll keep my patience. Or you can answer my question, and I'll show you what it means to be kept."

The words settled over Marcus like a weight. What it means to be kept. He didn't know what that meant. Didn't know if he wanted to know. But the question was still burning in him, the one Menes had asked, the one that had been sitting in the space between them since before the oil, since before the blade, since before any of this.

If you could want something—if the wanting were safe, if it would not be taken from you, if it would not be used against you—what would it be?

Marcus had spent years not wanting. Had trained himself out of it, had buried it so deep that he'd almost forgotten it was there. Wanting was dangerous. Wanting meant hoping, and hoping meant being disappointed, and being disappointed meant being hollowed out again, and he was so tired of being hollowed out.

But Menes's thumb was still on his thigh, warm and heavy, and the question was still hanging in the air, and Marcus could feel something stirring in his chest, something he'd thought was dead.

"If I tell you," he said, and his voice came out hoarse, raw, scraped clean by the silence, "what do you give me in return?"

The words landed into the quiet like stones into still water.

Menes's thumb stilled. The circle it had been tracing stopped mid-arc, and for a long moment the only sound in the chamber was the crackle of the lamp and the thin rasp of Marcus's breathing.

Then Menes smiled.

It was not a triumphant smile, not the satisfied curl of a predator who had cornered its prey. It was something quieter, something almost tender, and it transformed his face in a way Marcus hadn't expected—softened the carved-stone severity of his features, made him look almost human.

"You're bargaining," Menes said. The words were slow, deliberate, as if he were tasting them. "You're negotiating with me."

Marcus's jaw tightened. "You said it was a choice."

"I did." The thumb resumed its circle, slow and patient. "And you've made one. You've asked what I'll give you in return. That's not nothing, Marcus. That's the first thing you've asked for since you woke up here."

Marcus hadn't thought of it that way. He'd been so focused on the trap, on the game, on the slow spiral of Menes's questions, that he hadn't noticed the shape of his own response. But it was true. He'd asked for something. Not for water, not for release, not for a blow to the head that would end this—he'd asked for a trade.

He didn't know what that meant. He didn't want to know.

"You haven't answered me," he said, and his voice was steadier now, or at least steadier than it had been. "What do I get?"

Menes's gold eyes gleamed in the lamplight. His upper left hand lifted, and Marcus tensed, bracing for a touch he didn't want and couldn't escape. But the hand didn't come for him. It reached past him, toward the lamp, and turned the wick down.

The chamber dimmed. The shadows deepened, pooling in the corners, climbing the faceted obsidian walls until the room felt smaller, closer, more intimate. The light now fell mostly on the slab where Marcus lay, leaving Menes half in shadow, his gold eyes burning like twin embers in the dark.

"I will show you what it means to be kept," Menes said, and his voice was a low rumble that seemed to come from everywhere at once. "Not what it means to be owned. Not what it means to be used. You've been used. Your team used you, your city used you, your own hope used you until there was nothing left to take."

Marcus flinched. The words hit him somewhere he hadn't expected, somewhere soft and unguarded, and he felt the sting of them in his chest.

"I'm not offering you that." Menes's thumb pressed a little harder against his thigh, a grounding pressure that Marcus found himself leaning into without meaning to. "I'm offering you something you've never had. I'm offering you a place where you don't have to earn your worth by bleeding for people who won't remember your name."

"And you'll just—what? Keep me?" Marcus's voice cracked on the last word. "Like a pet?"

"Like a treasure." Menes's gaze was unwavering, and there was no mockery in it, no irony. "Like something rare and irreplaceable that someone finally recognized for what it was."

The words settled over Marcus like a warm weight. He wanted to reject them, wanted to spit them back in Menes's face, wanted to tell him that he wasn't a treasure, that he'd never been a treasure, that he was a washed-up C-class hero who'd been replaced by a girl with better powers and a prettier smile. But the words wouldn't come.

Because Menes's hand was still on his thigh.

Because Menes was looking at him like he was the only thing in the room worth looking at.

Because some small, broken part of Marcus wanted to believe it.

"I don't—" He stopped. Swallowed. Tried again. "I don't know what I want."

"I know." Menes's voice was gentle. "That's why I'm asking."

Marcus stared at him. The words sat in the air between them, simple and devastating in their patience. *That's why I'm asking.* Not because Menes expected him to know. Not because he was testing him. Because he understood that Marcus had forgotten how to want, and he was willing to wait while he remembered.

It was the most terrifying thing anyone had ever said to him.

The lamp had burned down to a low, orange glow, and the shadows had crept closer, filling the corners of the chamber until the obsidian walls seemed to lean in. Marcus could feel the cold stone against his back, the dried oil pulling at his skin, the weight of Menes's hand still warm on his thigh. The circle his thumb had been tracing had stopped, but the pressure remained, grounding him to the moment in a way he couldn't escape.

"I used to want things," Marcus said, and his voice was barely above a whisper. "When I was a kid. Before I got my powers. I wanted to be a hero so badly I could taste it."

Menes didn't move. Didn't speak. Just watched him with those gold eyes, patient as stone.

"I used to practice in front of the mirror. Poses. Catchphrases. I'd imagine what it would be like when I finally made it, when people cheered my name, when I saved someone who mattered." Marcus laughed, a hollow sound that died in his throat. "Stupid."

"It wasn't stupid."

"It was." Marcus's jaw tightened. "I was a C-class hero. I was never going to be anyone. I knew that. I just—" He stopped, the words catching in his chest. "I thought maybe I could be something anyway. That I could matter. That someone would look at me and see—"

He couldn't finish the sentence. The words were too raw, too close to the bone, and he could feel the familiar hollow opening up in his chest, the one he'd been carrying around for so long he'd forgotten it was there.

"See what?" Menes asked, and his voice was soft.

Marcus shook his head. The motion made the dried oil pull at his skin, and he grimaced. "It doesn't matter. It was a stupid dream. I got over it."

"Did you?"

The question landed like a stone in still water. Marcus opened his mouth to answer, to say yes, of course, he'd moved on, he'd accepted his place in the world—but the words wouldn't come. Because he hadn't gotten over it. He'd just buried it. Buried it so deep that he'd almost forgotten it was there, forgotten the shape of it, the weight of it, the way it had felt to want something so badly that his chest ached with it.

"No," he said, and the word came out hoarse, scraped raw. "I guess I didn't."

Menes's thumb resumed its slow circle on his thigh, a gentle, grounding pressure that made Marcus's breath catch. "Tell me what you wanted. When you were a kid. Before you learned to stop."

Marcus's eyes stung. He blinked, hard, and stared up at the ceiling of the chamber, at the faceted obsidian that caught the lamplight in sharp, glittering shards. "I wanted to be seen," he said, and his voice cracked on the last word. "I wanted someone to look at me and see someone worth keeping. Someone worth fighting for. Someone who mattered."

The silence that followed was thick enough to choke on.

Menes didn't speak. Didn't move. His gold eyes were fixed on Marcus's face, and there was something in them now that Marcus couldn't name—something raw, something almost hungry, something that made his skin prickle even where the oil had dried.

"And now?" Menes asked, and his voice was lower than Marcus had ever heard it. "What do you want now?"

Marcus's breath caught. The question was a trap, it had to be a trap, but he couldn't find the teeth in it. Couldn't find the sting. All he could find was the hollow in his chest, the one that had been aching for so long he'd forgotten it was there, and the warmth of Menes's hand on his thigh, and the impossible, terrifying possibility that maybe—just maybe—wanting didn't have to hurt.

"I don't know," he said, and the words came out smaller than he'd intended. "I don't—I stopped letting myself want things. It was easier that way. If I didn't want anything, I couldn't be disappointed."

"And did it work?"

Marcus's jaw tightened. "No."

"No," Menes echoed, and there was no mockery in his voice, no I-told-you-so. Just a quiet, terrible understanding. "Because wanting isn't something you can turn off. It's not a switch you can flip. It's part of you, Marcus. It's been part of you since you were a child, since you stood in front of that mirror and imagined yourself as someone who mattered."

Marcus's throat closed up. He couldn't speak. Couldn't breathe. The words were too close to the bone, too close to the thing he'd been trying to bury for years, and he could feel it stirring now, that old hunger, that ache he'd thought he'd killed.

"You can bury it," Menes said, and his voice was soft, almost gentle. "You can pretend it's not there. You can tell yourself you don't want anything, that you're fine, that you've made your peace with being nothing." His thumb pressed a little harder against Marcus's thigh. "But it's still there. It's always been there. And it's not going to go away just because you've stopped listening to it."

Marcus's eyes burned. He blinked, hard, and a single tear escaped, sliding down his cheek and into the dried oil on his chest. He didn't wipe it away. Couldn't. His hands were chained above his head, and even if they hadn't been, he wasn't sure he would have moved.

"What do you want, Marcus?" Menes asked, and his voice was barely above a whisper. "If the wanting were safe. If it would not be taken from you. If it would not be used against you. What do you want?"

The question hung in the air between them, and for a long moment, Marcus couldn't answer. Couldn't breathe. Couldn't do anything but lie there on the cold stone slab and feel the weight of Menes's hand on his thigh and the hollow ache in his chest and the impossible, terrifying possibility that he might actually say it.

And then he did.

"I want to be kept," he said, and the words came out raw, scraped clean by years of silence. "I want to be worth keeping. I want someone to look at me and see something they don't want to let go of. I want—" His voice broke. He swallowed, hard, and forced the rest out. "I want to be wanted. Not for what I can do. Not for my powers or my potential or what I might become. Just for me. Just for who I am."

The silence that followed was the longest yet.

Menes didn't move. Didn't speak. His gold eyes were fixed on Marcus's face, and there was something in them now that Marcus couldn't name—something that looked almost like reverence, almost like awe, almost like the way you'd look at something precious that you'd found in the ruins of a world you thought had been stripped bare.

"There it is," Menes said, and his voice was a low rumble that Marcus felt in his bones. "There's the man who stepped toward me at the Charybdis breach. There's the man who took two steps forward when everyone else ran."

Marcus shook his head. "That wasn't—"

"It was." Menes's hand moved, sliding up Marcus's thigh, coming to rest on his hip. The touch was warm, heavy, grounding. "You've been telling yourself you're nothing for so long that you've started to believe it. But that's not the truth, Marcus. The truth is that you're the bravest man I've seen in decades. The truth is that you've been starving yourself for so long you've forgotten what it feels like to be full."

Marcus's breath caught. He couldn't speak. Couldn't move. All he could do was lie there and feel the weight of Menes's hand on his hip and the words settling into his chest like seeds into soil.

"I'm going to show you," Menes said, and his voice was soft, almost tender. "I'm going to show you what it means to be kept. Not as a pet. Not as a possession. As a treasure. As something rare and irreplaceable that someone finally recognized for what it was."

Marcus's throat closed up. He wanted to argue. Wanted to tell Menes he was wrong, that he wasn't a treasure, that he was nothing, that he'd always been nothing. But the words wouldn't come. Because some part of him, some small, broken part that had been starving for so long it had forgotten what food tasted like, wanted to believe it.

"Okay," he said, and the word came out barely above a whisper.

Menes's gold eyes gleamed in the lamplight. "Okay?"

"Okay." Marcus swallowed. His heart was pounding in his chest, a wild, panicked rhythm that he couldn't control. "I'll answer your question. I'll—I'll tell you what I want. But you have to tell me what I get in return."

Menes's thumb drew a slow circle on Marcus's hip. "I already told you. I'll show you what it means to be kept."

"That's not enough." Marcus's voice was steadier now, stronger. "I need to know what that means. I need to know what you're going to do to me. I need to know—" He stopped, the words catching in his throat. "I need to know if I can trust you."

The silence that followed was thick with something Marcus couldn't name. Menes's gaze was unwavering, his gold eyes catching the lamplight in a way that made them look like they were lit from within, and for a long moment, he didn't speak.

Then he moved.

His upper left hand lifted, reaching toward the chains that bound Marcus's wrists. The movement was slow, deliberate, and Marcus tensed, bracing for something he didn't understand. But Menes didn't unlock the cuffs. Didn't release him. Instead, his fingers brushed against the steel, tracing the links with a gentleness that made Marcus's breath catch.

"Trust isn't something I can give you," Menes said, and his voice was low, almost intimate. "It's something you have to choose. It's something you have to give me, freely, without knowing what I'll do with it." His fingers stilled on the chains. "That's the nature of trust, Marcus. It's a leap into the dark."

Marcus's heart was pounding. He could feel the cold steel against his wrists, the warmth of Menes's hand on his hip, the weight of the question still hanging in the air between them.

"I don't know if I can do that," he said, and his voice was barely above a whisper.

"I know." Menes's voice was gentle. "That's why I'm asking."

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